When I was a teenager, I remember my father asking me if I thought he was made of money. Well, being smarter than the average teenager, I
recognized a trick question when I saw it. My daughter, however, not only doesn't see this question as a problem – she hasn't a clue as to why I'm asking it. Take this typical conversation, for example:
Daughter: Can I have umpty-billion dollars so I can go to the pool?
Me: It doesn't cost anything for you to go to the pool. Why do you need money?
Daughter: So I can buy a drink and a candy bar.
OK. I
understand that. But I had no change, so I gave her a $20 bill. Several hours later she handed me eight quarters.
Me: Where's the rest of my change?
Daughter: That's it.
Me: A candy bar and a drink cost $18?
Daughter: Of course not, silly. (She laughs. I don't.) They only cost a dollar each.
OK. I mentally subtract the cost of one drink and one candy bar from the $20 I gave her. Suddenly, I realize she's made a
mistake! She gave me the money she should have spent on the drink and candy bar by accident! But no – she says – she really did spend $18 on junk food. She and two of her friends had nine candy bars and nine soft drinks – three
apiece of each item.
OK. Three candy bars and three soft drinks each. I get it.
Me: You each ate three candy bars and drank three sodas? Why?
Daughter: (Throwing me a pitying look) Because Mom, there wasn't
anything else we could eat there!
Well, that resolves the issue for me – now it's crystal clear! Three candy bars is a perfectly acceptable lunch, just like spending two hours taking a hot bath with the water constantly
running and sloshing out of the tub and onto the floor isn't going to cause her father to commit a felony before I do.
Yes – we have a "pre-woman" in the house now. And it's starting to change the dynamics around here. She
thinks it's reasonable to spend a small fortune on junk food and uses enough hot water to fill an Olympic-sized pool to bathe. At that rate, my husband and I will end up living in cardboard boxes. But I have come up with a solution
of sorts.
We'll sell all our furniture and move into a hotel. Water and electricity won't be a problem – she can use all she wants and it won't change the bill. And food will be easy, since there are soda and candy machines
on each floor.
I'll just have to remember to cash a check for $1,000 in quarters each week.
