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In honor of the New Year, I've decided to share my household's New Year's Resolutions list. We
recognize the principle that if you aim high enough, there's just that much farther to fall. So, we keep our resolutions more realistic and, thus our goals easier to meet.Here are my family's 2003 goals along with a sage
bit of advice for you to consider before establishing some of your own: Never attempt a goal without first considering how much fudge one must give up in order to reach it. My Goals:
- I will lose 25 pounds by the first of June. The year remains undecided.
- In conjunction with losing weight, I will work out so all that loose skin won't make me look like a bloodhound. I will lift weights to build strength (the remote control, can opener and dirty laundry all count as weights);
I will engage in cardio-workouts: Climbing stairs, bending over to pick up toys, newspapers, etc., and crawling around on the carpet sniffing in order to figure out where the cat peed all count as workouts.
- I will eat according to the food pyramid, turned upside down just for variety. Bring on the butter! Bring on the chocolate chip cookies! How many olives make a serving of vegetables again?
- I will keep my house spotless. In fact, any time I see a spot, I'll immediately make certain no one else sees it by putting something over it. Like laundry. Or books. Or chocolate chip crumbs.
- I will be understanding when my children leave their dirty socks and Pop Tart® wrappers wadded up in a corner of the den by the fireplace. I will understand it is illegal to sell my kids or chain them to the vacuum
cleaner. I will resist scooping up the 12,984 loose Legos, action figures, pencils and glue-on fingernails in their rooms, placing them in plastic garbage bags and tossing them into the garage. We already have too many bags
of stuff in there as it is.
Significant Other's Goals:
- I will not watch every Carolina game broadcast and act as though the team's winning or losing signifies the beginning of Armageddon. I will put these things in proper perspective: If Carolina loses I will remain in mourning
for less than a week. Unless the loss is to N.C. State.
- I will vigorously exercise by putting the remote control on another table in the den, at least three feet from my chair, so that I have to get up and walk over to it in order to change the channel. I will do this at least
once per evening.
- I will clean out the garage, getting rid of old, useless stuff I've accumulated, like broken chairs, outdated electronics, odds and ends I don't recognize anymore, empty plastic containers I might use some day, my old
disco-dancing clothes…wait a minute. I'm not throwing out all that good stuff. Never mind.
- I will take out the trash without my wife having to tell me – more than six times.
Off-Spring Goals:
- I won't eat all the Oreos® before Dad gets them, and if I do I won't admit it. And I'll try to remember not to smile before brushing my teeth.
- You mean there has to be more than one of these?
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