His problem with pillows is simple: Years ago he slept on the Perfect Pillow. It was at some hotel or something and he's never forgotten it. Like mama's
home cooking, that one experience has become the barometer by which he measures every place he puts his head. But the encounter of the perfect pillow kind has left me with a man who simply can't press the memory in his scrapbook
and be done with it. Instead, he wants it back and he wants to own it. It's a crusade of which he never tires and life, for me, is like being married to Prince Charming. But instead of running around shoving glass slippers on the
feet of strange women, he keeps looking for pillow Nirvana.
Now, you may ask, how does the fact that my husband has a pillow fetish that he can't resolve affect me? Good question. Under normal circumstances, his inability to rest
his head on mere ordinary foam rubber would appear not to be my business at all. But it is because you can't take pillows for test rides.
Nope, you just don't pull up in front of the store, walk in, check out a pillow and take it
home for a nap before deciding to buy it. Instead, you have to purchase the sucker and sleep with it. Then, if it's not to your liking you chalk it up to one of those things.
To put this in the proper perspective, you have
to realize that about once a month, my spouse will look at me and say, "That pillow is giving me a stiff neck/sore back/headache/nose bleed." This is his way of saying he has decided that the pillow du jour isn't the Perfect Pillow
after all. When questioned about the failings of said pillow, he will say it's too hard/soft/mushy/lumpy/ smelly/big/small or a number of equally vague failings. At that point I will go out and buy yet another rookie pillow for him
to try. We've been married for 17 years and in all that time he's never once found a pillow that passed his high standards. All of them get a big thumbs down.
And that, my friend, is why the entire 2nd
Marine Division could spend the night in my house and not one Marine would have to bring his own pillow.
