There it is, I've said it. This country would be a lot better off if husbands were not allowed to park cars. Not because they aren't
really good at the technical stuff. They are. My husband could park an 18-wheeler inside a breadbox. No, it's not the ability to park that's the problem, it's the location they choose to park and how long it takes them
to find it that creates the angst. Don't believe me? Try going to a busy mall or shopping center with a husband at the helm. This is what happens:
He pulls into the parking lot and begins to cruise
slowly up and down the rows of parked cars.
Wife: "There's a space over there."
Husband: "Too far from the door. I know I can get a better spot if I try."
One Hour Later:
Wife: "That's
the 9,576th empty parking space you've passed. Will you park already?" She points to a nearby parking space.
Husband: "That's too long a walk. I know if I keep cruising, the right space will open up. It's a
matter of pride here. Just be patient."
Another Hour Later:
Husband: "I was sure that guy was going to pull out."
Wife: "Is that why you sat there in the middle of the parking lot for 20 minutes,
blocking traffic?"
Husband: "How was I to know he was just waiting in the car while his wife was shopping?"
Kids: "Dad, we're getting car sick. And we have to go to the bathroom."
Wife: "Enough is enough. Will you park already?"
Husband: "Soon, I promise. Something tells me my luck's about to change." He pauses and waves to a couple of other men who are also cruising the lot.
Husband: "I sure hope we get a spot before George and Mabel over there."
Wife: "George and Mabel?"
Husband: "Yeah. Parking the car isn't just a job. Some of my closest friendships have
developed in parking lots. You meet all kinds of people. Old George over there has been here an hour longer than we have and I'll bet Mabel isn't nagging him to hurry up and get a spot."
More Time Goes By. The
children are now asleep in the car. Management is bolting the doors. The wife can't remember why she wanted to go to the mall in the first place.
Wife: "I give up. Let's just go home. At least you'll turn the
car off when you pull into your own driveway."
Husband: "OK, OK. Don't be so impatient. I can't see why you're in such a hurry."
He slides into a parking space that's a half a football field from the door.
Wife: "I don't believe it. I didn't think you'd ever find a space. What made you pick this one? We passed at least a hundred of
them closer to the door."
Husband: "I didn't pick it. I ran out of gas."
Yes, choosing a parking space is a big moment in the lives of men. Women, on the other hand, drive into the parking lot, cruise it
once, then park. Period. The way we look at it, any time spent parking comes off our shopping. But the difference between parking methods might inspire the Department of Defense to rethink it's position on women in
combat.
All they have to do to change the face of war is put a man behind the wheel inside one of those tanks and put women, ready to shop, in with them. The man will spend so long trying to decide where to park
the tank, the enemy will end up surrendering out of simple boredom!
