We weren't exactly a Martha Stewart family, but we do have fond family traditions . . . a Fruit of the Loom tradition, you might say.

Some of the best stories in your life are those that come from misunderstandings and slightly humiliating moments -- like my Mom's puppy dog tale.

You'd think a 7-year-old's idea of the perfect woman would be someone like his mother wouldn't you? Well, let me burst your bubble -- read "Love in The Elementary Set."

Some things in life just require keeping a cool head . . . like when a giant cockroach hangs precariously over the head of a visitor. Come be horrified with me . . .

Memories of the movie theatres of my childhood always bring to my mind how much I loved my Mummies!  Come share the good old days!

My daughter is approaching teenhood and working her way through the entire personal products section of the drug stores.  See how her brother is helping her spend my money.

There are mothers . . . and there are mothers -- know what I mean?  Read about Perfect Mothers . . . and the Other Kind

My neighbor is seeing rabbits . . . big white ones . . . Jimmy Stewart, Harvey-type rabbits . . .  join our neighborhood rabbit hunt for the big fella!

And don't miss Bunny, Bunny -- Where is the Bunny? -- Part II

It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it.  When it comes to eating out decisions . . . the Queen Mum rules!

Now be honest all you mothers . . . when's the last time YOU had an uninterrupted telephone call?   Listen in on my group phone conversation here

Surprise visitors can get a real surprise of their own when they ring my doorbell.  "Haven't you ever seen anyone who works at home?"

Some of us are willing to do anything to get our story and make ourselves "look good."  But there's a lesson to be learned in that: -- Never Turn Your Back (or Bottom) to the Camera!

"Well, hi! I'm Peggy Jones, Brittany's mother? We met at the PTA meeting
the other night? As you may or may not know, I'm the room mother for Brittany's and Elizabeth's class this year and I was wondering if you would mind baking a cake in the shape of the thirteen original colonies for the class party on Friday? All the rest of us work."

"Uh, well, uh, I do work, you know."

"Well, yes, I heard you're some kind of writer or something and you stay at
home."

"Yes. I write for a living and work out of my home."

"That's so interesting! But, of course, it's not like you have a real job or anything. I mean, it's not like me. You're at home all day and have all that extra time, not like us regular working stiffs! I hardly have time to eat my lunch! You are so lucky, not having to try and balance your work life and home. Of course, I do it all. Just call me the Aviance woman!"

"Aviance woman?"

"You know. That commercial. 'Bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan?"

"Uh, yes, well, about that cake...."

"Yes, the cake. You know the class is studying the Revolutionary War and we thought...."

"We? You said that once before."

"Oh, sorry. The other mothers in class. We thought it would be nice to celebrate the end of the grading period with a theme party. I'm sending in red, white and blue crepe paper. Marge Jackson is providing the punch. Another mother is buying the cups, plates and plastic forks. And we all thought, since you don't have a real job like the rest of us, you'd have time to bake the cake. Something really nice in the shape of the original 13 colonies. Maybe you could put some red, white and blue frosting on it, too."

"But where on earth would I find a pan like that?"

"Oh honey, you don't get a pan shaped like that. You put a little elbow
grease into it. You bake several square layers and put them together to form the final cake. Haven't you ever taken cake decorating?"

"No. I've been too busy working."

Laughter.

"You are just too hilarious. Writing must really be fun. You know everyone has always said I should write a book."

"That's very interesting, however, getting back to the cake...."

"I have a wonderful idea for a plot. Imagine, if you will, a beautiful woman who works as an administrative assistant in a real estate office. One day a mysterious handsome stranger comes in and says he wants to see the most expensive home they have listed. Their eyes lock...."

"Um, yes. It sounds wonderful. But you really shouldn't tell me any more...."

"I shouldn't?"

"No, of course not. What if someone steals your idea? There goes your
blockbuster novel."

"I'd never thought of that."

"Happens all the time."

"My goodness. Writing is really a dog-eat-dog world, isn't it?"

"Yes, now, back to the cake."

"The cake?"

"Yes, the cake I said I'd buy at the supermarket for the party. I sincerely doubt the Wedgie Mart makes cakes in the shape of the original 13 colonies, but I can ask. They might do them in the shape of a flag. Would that work for you and Marge?"

"Flag, well, sure I guess. But I thought you'd make one...."

"Make one? Oh, no, Peggy. I can call you Peggy, can't I? Well, Peggy, you know how we mothers who work at home are! We are just way too busy sleeping late, watching soap operas and loafing around the house to be baking cakes shaped like large pieces of real estate...."

"Well, yes, I guess I can see that...."

"And you know I'd love to keep talking, but it's almost time for Jerry Springer..."

"Yes, well, thanks so much...."

"Bye." Click. Long exhale of breath.

"Hey, Mom?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I thought you didn't like Jerry Springer?"

"I don't."

"But you said...."

"Never mind. Hey, do you know how to bake a cake shaped liked the original 13 colonies?"

"Gee Mom. Do I look like I'm crazy?"

"You know, those are my sentiments exactly."